"I don't want to go to school today!"
5 Ways to Deal with Resistance and Separation Anxiety
The holidays are over and schools are back in session, so all parents wake up in the morning to hear the voices, resistance and emotional roller coaster of our beloved mini-people. The image of children being forcibly taken away by their parents, trying in a thousand ways to cope with the crying, screaming and stubbornness is familiar to all of us. But why does this happen?
The origin of separation anxiety
To understand this behavior, we need to take a look at our child and examine the concept of "bonding". The critical period is between the sixth and ninth months of life, when there is a selective preference for the mother and familiar people, whose presence causes the infant the greatest joy. This is when the first two forms of anxiety in life are born:
- separation anxiety and
- stranger anxiety.
Therefore, the mixture of these first positive and negative emotions signals the infant's bond with the mother or caregiver.
While this type of behavior can occur in younger children, older children and adolescents can experience separation anxiety when they first go to school, after a vacation, or when there is a change in the child's life, such as a new home, a new sibling, a divorce, etc.
It is also very common when a sibling is sick and stays home for the other child to refuse to go to school as well.
So what do we do when our child wakes up and says, "I'm not going to school today!" Well, according to psychologists, we don't do anything at that moment.
Resistance is part of how our child deals with unpleasant situations like separation. Our role is to let them have these big emotions and learn how to process them. To do that, we need to let them feel what they're feeling, while also making them feel heard and validated.
